Support of Dreams

There have been many things that have come up in the last month that I have meant to write about. I have had times were these topics have rolled through my mind and I thought of how to put it up here. Alas I did not. Other things grabbed my attention and pulled me away before I could remember to write about it.

This time its different. Most likely, knowing myself, because I am a little upset about this. Here it is:

There have been many times in my life where I have come up with big ideas, dreams, or visions. These things seem great to me and I can clearly see the purpose of them. One idea was a local mission trip to show students how we can serve locally and not just in other places. I wanted to gather support from local youth leaders and contacted them and worked hard to get things going. In the end all I heard was no, too busy, or hey why don't we do this instead. No one listened, and instead tried to get me to support their thing.

Later when working I presented an idea of how to save myself and the ministry lots of time. The summer slowed down and I would have some slow time to finally get to some larger projects. I thought and decided to ask my supervisor if I could go to the Catholic Library at the Archdiocese and use that quiet space to focus and use the resources, to plan the curriculum for the middle school that year. She ended up saying no, most likely because she did not trust me.

Now I have the dream to become published and write a curriculum that will help our students, and hopefully others, this summer. My Pastor is very supportive, but I don't think I'll get to do it.

Am I bad at articulating? Is there some vision or plan that I am missing that others can see?

For me I have come to a conclusion. No one, professionally, is going to support my dreams. I am going to have to do it myself. I know going this route is going to cause me to become burned out fast, but what am I to do? I have a desire, an itch, a passion that I have to pursue. If it is not something I can do during work time then I am going to have to sacrifice personal time to do work.

I pray that God has a plan for this, because I know this is going to take my already low tank and pull the one plug keeping things in. I hope that God has something in store for the other side of this to help me grow and see others grow.

Nothing like a sports analogy to finish things.

I have already been running the race a while. I am tired and thirsty. I know I have one sprint left in me and I am going to use it now. It might spell the end and failure, but I know I have to do it. This is my shot and I have to trust there is recovery coming. Breathe deep...and go...