This last month has hit me like a ton of bricks. The days where I have felt 100% have been few and far between. Right now I am just coming off of an ER visit that had to be some of the worst pain I have had in a long, long time. Now as I am going on 3 hours without that pain I can start to feel my throat tighten and glands enlarge to fight off a cold.
One of the things that gets me is that I have not been "sick" in a long time. The flu or other common colds I would welcome right now. At least those would give me a change of pace. Now I just get pain to the mid section with no rhyme or reason for it.
When it comes to these issues I find it hard to explain to people at church. Since I am being employed there I have to explain to my boss (and the office manager) what is going on. I leave out all the details, but after past experiences I am very nervous they will not believe me. Of course they do, but I still worry.
The curveball for me is everyone at church wants to know what it is (so do I!). I try and dance around the issue to the best of my ability. They do not need to know what the exact issues and symptoms are. Now the people at church want to know because they want to help and cause they care, yet I feel like I have to expose my personal life to work. It feels like a mashing of professional and personal boundaries.
I guess where I am torn is that I want to share my personal life, to some degree, with those at church. I want them to know me and know them. Sharing some of my struggles allows them into my circle and builds a bond. The trade off is that there is a lot out there that people do not need to know about. If I over share I may end up shooting myself in the foot or giving the wrong impression.
This delicate balance has me confused. I think the easiest thing would be if I could just stop getting "sick". In the end I guess sharing about illnesses is not that bad as it allows for others to minister and pray for me. Maybe that is what I can do when sharing is asking for prayer and encouraging those in their faith that way. Here's hoping I don't get more opportunities in the near future!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Setting Priorities
Kessia and I have been watching HGTV (too much!) I end up thinking way too much about owning a home. The thoughts of future always excite me. I started to dream about what we would need in a home. It is clear to me that I would want three bedrooms. This would allow us to have enough room for a child one day.
It is that picturing having a child that has me reflecting on what I see parents teaching and working with their children on. I fully realize there are so many things that we can not control in children's lives. No matter how hard we try we can not protect them from everything. We can not force them to eat, learn, or use the restroom. On the flip side though I see many who do not want to challenge their children on anything. They give in to everything. Some pick everything as a battle. Some pick just a few things.
The battles that some parents chose to pick baffles me in all honesty. I know I will struggle with this one day too, but for now I wonder why the battle is to force the child to play soccer. The battle is taking dance. The battle is what movies to watch and TV shows. Then exhausted, church becomes the concession for eating all their food. Church is negotiated and bargained so the child can stay up late watching TV, talking with friends, or playing video games.
One family recently stated to me that they have three things that are not negotiable in their house: School, Church, and Piano. They have set these things up and in all honesty I have not heard their kids complain about things being boring. Their children instead know they are going whether they find it fun or not. So, at that point its on us to make the best of it. When forced we have to adjust our attitude or just continue to suffer.
There are always circumstances that happen in life that make things adjustable. Sicknesses, a unique opportunity, a family reunion, or maybe even service projects. Point is we realize that things do come up and we are flexible about it. What the family has stated is that faith is a priority in their life and their children have picked up on that.
As with this new perspective for me I know I fought this as I was a child too. I pushed to stay home and sleep. I complained about so many things, including church. One memory sticks out to me. I had committed to go to a Mission trip earlier in the year. I was dating a girl and when we broke up I wanted to pull back from church. Instead my mom stuck by two things: it is always important to honor our commitments whether we like it or not, and church is a priority that we do not back away from because it does not suit us. I may not have been able to articulate it then, but that stance she took made a big difference for me. Obviously, or I would not be a youth minister today.
I found this on my own, but I am assured now that my faith is a priority. It is central to my life. Heck, I spend my free time writing and reading about it. No matter through my struggles, my questions, my journey I know that church will always be an important part of that. Whether I work there or not I will go. I will go with my wife. And I will go with my children one day.
First things first...we have to find a house.
*Disclaimer: although I am thinking about children I am not having any. For a long, long, long, time...if God decides to bless Kessia and I with that responsibility.
It is that picturing having a child that has me reflecting on what I see parents teaching and working with their children on. I fully realize there are so many things that we can not control in children's lives. No matter how hard we try we can not protect them from everything. We can not force them to eat, learn, or use the restroom. On the flip side though I see many who do not want to challenge their children on anything. They give in to everything. Some pick everything as a battle. Some pick just a few things.
The battles that some parents chose to pick baffles me in all honesty. I know I will struggle with this one day too, but for now I wonder why the battle is to force the child to play soccer. The battle is taking dance. The battle is what movies to watch and TV shows. Then exhausted, church becomes the concession for eating all their food. Church is negotiated and bargained so the child can stay up late watching TV, talking with friends, or playing video games.
One family recently stated to me that they have three things that are not negotiable in their house: School, Church, and Piano. They have set these things up and in all honesty I have not heard their kids complain about things being boring. Their children instead know they are going whether they find it fun or not. So, at that point its on us to make the best of it. When forced we have to adjust our attitude or just continue to suffer.
There are always circumstances that happen in life that make things adjustable. Sicknesses, a unique opportunity, a family reunion, or maybe even service projects. Point is we realize that things do come up and we are flexible about it. What the family has stated is that faith is a priority in their life and their children have picked up on that.
As with this new perspective for me I know I fought this as I was a child too. I pushed to stay home and sleep. I complained about so many things, including church. One memory sticks out to me. I had committed to go to a Mission trip earlier in the year. I was dating a girl and when we broke up I wanted to pull back from church. Instead my mom stuck by two things: it is always important to honor our commitments whether we like it or not, and church is a priority that we do not back away from because it does not suit us. I may not have been able to articulate it then, but that stance she took made a big difference for me. Obviously, or I would not be a youth minister today.
I found this on my own, but I am assured now that my faith is a priority. It is central to my life. Heck, I spend my free time writing and reading about it. No matter through my struggles, my questions, my journey I know that church will always be an important part of that. Whether I work there or not I will go. I will go with my wife. And I will go with my children one day.
First things first...we have to find a house.
*Disclaimer: although I am thinking about children I am not having any. For a long, long, long, time...if God decides to bless Kessia and I with that responsibility.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Youth ministry memoirs
Yesterday I may have started writing a book. I was talking with my mother-in-law about a person she knew who started journaling about all the experiences that they have had in their profession. In some ways that is why I started to blog. I wanted to write about my thoughts, experiences, and advice for people out there.
The difficult thing about this avenue is that by putting it up for it to help people I may unwittingly upset or disclose something that I should not. This has been difficult for me because for writing to really be cathartic I need to be able to share what is on my mind and heart. If I do that about a current situation then I run the risk of individuals seeing it. If I write about past situations it may impact my current situation with people. I usually share more than I should, when talking with people, but I do realize that there are many things that people do not need to know.
For an example, I am currently writing about my first few weeks at Mary, Queen of Peace. There were many difficult things that came up, including a retreat where I was basically THE male adult. In writing about that time in my life I am noticing themes that I wish I would have picked up on. I wish I could have seen how the moves I made could impact the work environment that I was in.
My hope in writing these memoirs is to share "case studies" with others so that they can hopefully learn from my mistakes and see some of the themes that I failed to pick up on. I never see myself as alone in this. Even though I have not been in youth ministry long I want to make a difference not only for the youth, but the other youth leaders out there.
I hope that in writing some of these past issues I can post excerpts here. Sharing these experiences will hopefully help me learn and grow. My biggest wish is to start to see the patterns as they come and not just the differences from past situations. I will be posting more thoughts in the next couple of days so be sure to tune back in as I have many things to update with.
Blessings!
The difficult thing about this avenue is that by putting it up for it to help people I may unwittingly upset or disclose something that I should not. This has been difficult for me because for writing to really be cathartic I need to be able to share what is on my mind and heart. If I do that about a current situation then I run the risk of individuals seeing it. If I write about past situations it may impact my current situation with people. I usually share more than I should, when talking with people, but I do realize that there are many things that people do not need to know.
For an example, I am currently writing about my first few weeks at Mary, Queen of Peace. There were many difficult things that came up, including a retreat where I was basically THE male adult. In writing about that time in my life I am noticing themes that I wish I would have picked up on. I wish I could have seen how the moves I made could impact the work environment that I was in.
My hope in writing these memoirs is to share "case studies" with others so that they can hopefully learn from my mistakes and see some of the themes that I failed to pick up on. I never see myself as alone in this. Even though I have not been in youth ministry long I want to make a difference not only for the youth, but the other youth leaders out there.
I hope that in writing some of these past issues I can post excerpts here. Sharing these experiences will hopefully help me learn and grow. My biggest wish is to start to see the patterns as they come and not just the differences from past situations. I will be posting more thoughts in the next couple of days so be sure to tune back in as I have many things to update with.
Blessings!
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