Where are you looking for love?

I had a great conversation the other day with a friend. They are at a stage in their life where they are beginning to feel the pressure to get married. Their parents have asked if they are meeting enough "people" leaving my friend wondering. They had not felt this pressure till recently and now it is coming in fast.

Through the course of the conversation we talked about a couple of different things. The first was how Paul argues that it is better to be single. I can completely understand this. While I love my wife so much, I also understand how when I hear a call from God I need to check this with her and see if that might be possible with us. There are two making discussions and listening rather than one. This can often inhibit couples from following God's call as one might be hesitant.

My friend brought up a piece of scripture of how two are better than one. It is really frustrating how this piece of scripture gets taken out of context. I have heard it in a wedding where this passage implies that it is better to be with someone than without. That is COMPLETELY false and twisting scripture. The passage is about being in community. It is better to be around others than without. Simply put if we are not in relationship with others how can you ever understand love, trust, and sacrifice? These are communal practices and no individual concepts.

In the most extreme I have seen this played out in my grandmother. She has lived alone for the last decade and the lack of others around has taken her ability to think. I love her dearly, but without having to think of others we start thinking that the world revolves around us. We place our selves in the God role. Frankly, I know this is something I can never do, live alone, because I will become overly paranoid and self centered.

In the end my friend and I began to talk about where we look for love. I fessed up that even with having "romantic" love I long desperately for friendship love. Every time a friend does not call me back, or leaves me hanging, or does not call I take it very personally. I have the same desires my friend has, but for deep friendships.

We both realized that we are created for Love. The problem we both, and I am sure millions of others, is that we try to fill that need for love with other things rather than with God's unconditional love. It is very difficult to remember, but something that we must constantly ask ourselves. Where are we looking for love? Whom are we looking to for love?

I pray one day I will be able to answer that question honestly and wholeheartedly, God!

Tradition vs Change

You would think growing up in the Catholic church that my first experience of a battle over tradition or change would have happened while at Mass or youth group. Surprisingly the first time I remember starting to ponder over why something has to be done in the traditional way was during a yearbook meeting. I was a freshman in High School and getting briefed on how the yearbook runs. As I listened things seemed to be very inefficient and hierarchical. I challenged those perceptions and traditions. I was instantly shut down by the group and dismissed for not understanding.

It was then I started to wonder why many traditions were not up for debate. I remember ranting and raving at home (possibly in my room listening to really loud rap) about if the tradition was so good and had such a good reason then someone should be able to explain it to me. When the answer came back from the group "that's just how we do it!" I was left with the frustration of not understanding and lack of adjustment to an outdated system.

Jumping ahead I have seen this time and again throughout churches, institutions and groups. I questioned things at the Catholic church. Wondering if the group can learn from outside sources and new ideas in ministry. Instead of getting welcomed into the traditions and had them explained I was dismissed as not knowing enough. Instead of facing the questions and thinking through why we do things they way we do in the catholic church I worked at the leadership tried to find ways to not examine the basis/foundation behind the traditions. Not all were this way at the Catholic church. One co-worker would often discuss the traditions with me and debate and disagree with many of them.

I find myself in the middle of tradition and change, which seems to put me at odds with both sides in any discussion. Any tradition should withstand questioning and have a clear purpose of why we still hold to this custom. If not then it should be up for adjustment or change. Changing systems, operations, practices, or other beliefs should not come easy either. To change things just to try something new lacks the same purpose that keeping a tradition "just cause" does.

While there are millions of examples I have experienced first hand I am going to look at two of them:

The first is a Christmas Eve worship service that we have at my church. This service has been around for decades. Essentially the service is done in all darkness and families come and go as they please. The worship team here has taken a great step in examining this practice and asking the hard questions. For many this is difficult because the tradition has become so important to them. It has become sacred, which is great!

The worship team, just last meeting started asking why do we have this service. Whom and what is this service serving? Does it fit our overall vision for the church? This is exactly the dialogue that I believe all traditions should face. We must be able to understand the purpose, vision, and mission of any tradition. When this dialogue continues the group may decide to keep everything the same. If so they will have done so with a clearer purpose of why and what we are accomplishing with this tradition.

The second one that comes to mind recently is a youth team that I have just joined as a leader. The youth and past leaders have established a many traditions and customs within the group. The biggest one is that the whole groups purpose, as it stands now, is to plan one retreat and that is it. Knowing the mission of the group I have started to raise the question of why are we not aiming for more. The group is open to trying to serve God through leading other aspects but are shy (and exhausted) from planning. We will see how the process of change works here as the group has already agreed to raise the bar, yet very reluctantly.

There are many other places we see this battle played out. Politics is one where this has become a major battle from change to the tradition of keeping "my America" the way I remember it. No matter the tradition being changed or kept I believe we should always, ALWAYS, be able to explain and understand why we have things the way they are. If we don't know why a tradition is in place then its probably time to examine it and adjust to our changing culture.