Sitting in a passionate meeting after church one day I got a surprised dropped on me. The discussion rolled around to the children's program for Easter. At that moment an individual chimed in that they wanted to see us have Sunday School that day. I explained why I did not think that this was a fruitful idea. The person continued to push, so I opened the door for them to take the bull by the horns.
I learned from previous jobs that if someone is passionate about something then have them take a part in the solution. That is what I attempted to do in this situation. I said that there needed to be volunteers (as I had explained before) and that I would want them to be one of the volunteers along with helping me find others. They agreed and so I let it go.
A few weeks later the individual backed out because the children they were going to bring were no longer going to make it. The result was that we would go with my initial recommendation. The sad reality though is that this was another case where it was not about the needs of students, helping others grow with God, but about the individuals desires.
This happens a lot in church. We get great plans and ideas, but they are not about the bigger picture but about our own needs. The church situation becomes about our own needs rather than God. I see this all the time in the many churches I have been in. Well meaning individuals that let their desires for their children to take center stage, or drop out of a mission trip at the last minute cause it is inconvenient to their beach plans. These situations all take the focus from the true purpose of things to being about our needs.
My wife and I recently joined a small group. This is something we have been wanting to do for a long time. We needed a place to grow spiritually where I would not be on staff. Our desires entering were about our own needs. However, through the course of the small group we have made the point to lift others up, compliment others, go the extra mile to support the leaders. These things have not been about our desires, but serving God through the small group.
I wish there was more of that in churches. If only we could see the larger picture (myself included) more often and not our own selfish needs for a quick fix, a easy answer, a child to be center stage. If only we could put our own needs down and get to what God and his children may need in this situation or that.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Being in the Desert
Many times for me lent is a spiritual renewal. There were church services more often. New spiritual practices. A renewed focus on God. Hearing more stories of Jesus that ended with a celebration. All of these helped drive me to new heights during lent. Over the last couple of years though that has not been the case. Instead I resonate with a old co-worker of mine. I always hated being told what to give up.
My co-worker surprised me one staff meeting a few years back when he has this feeling of dread radiating from him as we entered into a discussion of lent. He commented that this time of the year was the most challenging for him, and often his wife. The feeling of being in the desert seemed very real as he spoke about having questions arise, spiritual dryness, and temptations.
The last few years I have really understood that feeling. I still find the time to be generally renewing, but now see more desert than ever before.
One thing that cropped up for me while at the Catholic church was the pressure to give up something. I hated the idea that someone else was going to tell me what my relationship with God needed. The idea of sacrifice was great. I wanted to change things in my life to come closer to God. What I did not need was an arbitrary rule on how I needed to give up meat on a certain day.
The biggest problem for me was how this would play out in the office. I would not think about the days of the week (when you have an ever changing schedule it almost becomes hard to track days except Sunday) and end up bringing a meat sandwich on a Friday. Then someone would make a comment and start hinting at how I was failing. Many times it felt as though my boss would use these times to show others that I was not Catholic.
This caused me more resentment and anger towards the church than any growth with God. What I learned was that a tradition was more important than me with the group. I felt as though I was sitting with the Pharisees as they attack a rule that Jesus has broken. It was not to look beyond what was happening to the individual, but to demean. This was not the only tradition that I felt that way with. I wished that others would bring about the joy in obedience and not stress others failure to boost themselves up.
I felt the desert then as I struggled with conformity. This year I struggled with feeling futile. Right now I have a great support group and social network. I have a small group with a church that is growing fast. I have great friends that I get to hang out with outside of work. I have a great community around. What I feel the desert in is lack of growth at my church. I have been there over a year and a half now. All I have seen is families leave. We have yet to bring new ones in. This drop has played a burden but I have kept on.
Then a few situations collided and these failings came to the forefront. A crack in the dam finally broke and my insecurities rushed out. I now work to hopefully not need a dam, but in the mean time I examine the validity of these suppressed thoughts.
Through all of this a story that my pastor told me the other day really helped. It was of a grandfather who gave a child a pot of dirt. He told the little girl to water the pot of dirt every day without fail. She did for a long time with no results. Finally, she got sick of it and tried to give the pot back to the grandfather. He refused and told her to keep watering. She begrudgingly went back to water. Soon she saw a sprout.
My pastors point was that sometimes it takes a long time to see the fruit. Sometimes we want a new pot of dirt. In the end though God gave us this pot to water right now and He has a plan for it. Maybe we will never see the plant spring up, but it is our job to water.
There is nothing, while in the desert, that helps like getting a little bit of water.
My co-worker surprised me one staff meeting a few years back when he has this feeling of dread radiating from him as we entered into a discussion of lent. He commented that this time of the year was the most challenging for him, and often his wife. The feeling of being in the desert seemed very real as he spoke about having questions arise, spiritual dryness, and temptations.
The last few years I have really understood that feeling. I still find the time to be generally renewing, but now see more desert than ever before.
One thing that cropped up for me while at the Catholic church was the pressure to give up something. I hated the idea that someone else was going to tell me what my relationship with God needed. The idea of sacrifice was great. I wanted to change things in my life to come closer to God. What I did not need was an arbitrary rule on how I needed to give up meat on a certain day.
The biggest problem for me was how this would play out in the office. I would not think about the days of the week (when you have an ever changing schedule it almost becomes hard to track days except Sunday) and end up bringing a meat sandwich on a Friday. Then someone would make a comment and start hinting at how I was failing. Many times it felt as though my boss would use these times to show others that I was not Catholic.
This caused me more resentment and anger towards the church than any growth with God. What I learned was that a tradition was more important than me with the group. I felt as though I was sitting with the Pharisees as they attack a rule that Jesus has broken. It was not to look beyond what was happening to the individual, but to demean. This was not the only tradition that I felt that way with. I wished that others would bring about the joy in obedience and not stress others failure to boost themselves up.
I felt the desert then as I struggled with conformity. This year I struggled with feeling futile. Right now I have a great support group and social network. I have a small group with a church that is growing fast. I have great friends that I get to hang out with outside of work. I have a great community around. What I feel the desert in is lack of growth at my church. I have been there over a year and a half now. All I have seen is families leave. We have yet to bring new ones in. This drop has played a burden but I have kept on.
Then a few situations collided and these failings came to the forefront. A crack in the dam finally broke and my insecurities rushed out. I now work to hopefully not need a dam, but in the mean time I examine the validity of these suppressed thoughts.
Through all of this a story that my pastor told me the other day really helped. It was of a grandfather who gave a child a pot of dirt. He told the little girl to water the pot of dirt every day without fail. She did for a long time with no results. Finally, she got sick of it and tried to give the pot back to the grandfather. He refused and told her to keep watering. She begrudgingly went back to water. Soon she saw a sprout.
My pastors point was that sometimes it takes a long time to see the fruit. Sometimes we want a new pot of dirt. In the end though God gave us this pot to water right now and He has a plan for it. Maybe we will never see the plant spring up, but it is our job to water.
There is nothing, while in the desert, that helps like getting a little bit of water.
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