Faith In Action

Right now I am writing a workshop for High School teens called "Faith In Action." As with all things in faith I so often think I know where to go and what needs to be said and then God swoops in and lets me know other wise.

Today I continued doing some research on some aspects and tenets that change service into Christian service (or faith in action). I have looked at key pieces like love, solidarity, and justice. I have quotes from many famous leaders from Mother Teresa to Gandhi about these aspects. Today I started reading more of Henri Nouwen and it opened my eyes.

The perspective I had going into this was how do we "do" faith in action. What do we need to have as apart of it. Nouwen writes in "In the Name of Jesus," a book about Christian leadership, about allowing God to heal us. He is referencing the loneliness and despair that come in ministry, but the principle rings true.

The first step, that I was missing, is not that we have love, vision, great ideals, but a humbled heart ready to be served. If I am not ready to be served and loved then how am I supposed to show others? This first step becomes acknowledging the needs, spiritually dry spots, and desperate cries in our own life. When we deny this we are trying to stay in control. We are faking who we are and denying our desperate need for God.

If we can not open up our own needs and cries to God then how are we to obey. The only one we are willing to obey there is ourselves and that keeps us in Service and away from Christian service. When we serve ourselves and our own needs there is no Christ in what we do.

Faith in and of itself is taking a leap to where we have no proof, we go beyond the easily observable and trust. It is that open trust that is necessary when serving so that we do not end up serving our self. I have been with teens that have articulated that they serve because it gives them fuzzy feelings. The service is not about God and a response to Christs love and sacrifice, but an altar to our own ego. When we take the Holy Spirit into our lives we start to give up our own control is when we can finally put our faith into action.

Thank you God for helping me remember that for my faith to be in action I must first trust and obey your Spirit's leading in my life.

Holy Spirit

Lately, I have been reading a book by Frances Chan called "Forgotten God." This book revolves around the Holy Spirit and how we often forget about this crucial part of our Triune God. While I have been touched about how often I do forget about the Spirit, last night two things stuck out to me while reading.

The first is this perception in Christianity that if I am not lead where I do not want to go then I am not really doing God's work. I found this often while on campus at Azusa Pacific. There was this feeling as though we were all being judged of if we gave up everything and went some place to serve. Not just this but it had to be a place we did not want to go.

This became a dominant Christian narrative on campus, just like having a single moment where you became a follower of Jesus, or you went on coffee dates. The feel began to be this have and have-nots of followers. I realize most of this is just perceived, but it became very frustrating.

I found myself torn as I wanted to do that also. I wanted to go abroad and give up time in my life just to serve and nothing else. The problem is that is not who God created me to be. Now I imagine people responding back, "How do you know that?" It has been confirmed to me again and again. I contract just about every illness I come into contact with. Every trip to a poverty stricken area I end up coming down with a serious illness. I had a 102 temperature from another mission to Mexico, where I also contracted Tuberculosis. And on another Mexico mission I ended up puking for days. Once, is just a chance, multiple times and I believe something is trying to be communicated.

In the end the perspective that we all MUST go aboard to serve God is just false. Some are called to go, and others to stay. The important part is serving with all your heart.

The second thing that we often forget that the Spirit is right there to walk with every day. Jesus told us the spirit would be better than having Him around. Personally, I do not act like that. I yearn to have Jesus with me. I forget about the gift that we have been given.

The saddest thing for me is to realize how little I include God, or more specifically in this life. I have tested God's promise of being given the Spirit when we ask. I have felt fully that I was no longer in control of myself and the Spirit had taken over. The things that came from that were beautiful and more fruitful that I could ever accomplish. So why do I now forget?

It is time for me to wake up and remember the Spirit. Allow the Spirit into me and to take over. I miss teachable moments. I say the wrong things, stumble on testimony, become tempted by things and sin, and fail to honor God with the things I do and fail to do. When I have included the Spirit in my life none of this has happened. I know that I often get in the way and I want to no longer do that. I want to let go and let the Holy Spirit take over.

By doing this I know that true Joy, true Beauty, and true Faith shall come. Enter Spirit, I am ready to be convicted, redeemed, and counseled.

Support of Dreams

There have been many things that have come up in the last month that I have meant to write about. I have had times were these topics have rolled through my mind and I thought of how to put it up here. Alas I did not. Other things grabbed my attention and pulled me away before I could remember to write about it.

This time its different. Most likely, knowing myself, because I am a little upset about this. Here it is:

There have been many times in my life where I have come up with big ideas, dreams, or visions. These things seem great to me and I can clearly see the purpose of them. One idea was a local mission trip to show students how we can serve locally and not just in other places. I wanted to gather support from local youth leaders and contacted them and worked hard to get things going. In the end all I heard was no, too busy, or hey why don't we do this instead. No one listened, and instead tried to get me to support their thing.

Later when working I presented an idea of how to save myself and the ministry lots of time. The summer slowed down and I would have some slow time to finally get to some larger projects. I thought and decided to ask my supervisor if I could go to the Catholic Library at the Archdiocese and use that quiet space to focus and use the resources, to plan the curriculum for the middle school that year. She ended up saying no, most likely because she did not trust me.

Now I have the dream to become published and write a curriculum that will help our students, and hopefully others, this summer. My Pastor is very supportive, but I don't think I'll get to do it.

Am I bad at articulating? Is there some vision or plan that I am missing that others can see?

For me I have come to a conclusion. No one, professionally, is going to support my dreams. I am going to have to do it myself. I know going this route is going to cause me to become burned out fast, but what am I to do? I have a desire, an itch, a passion that I have to pursue. If it is not something I can do during work time then I am going to have to sacrifice personal time to do work.

I pray that God has a plan for this, because I know this is going to take my already low tank and pull the one plug keeping things in. I hope that God has something in store for the other side of this to help me grow and see others grow.

Nothing like a sports analogy to finish things.

I have already been running the race a while. I am tired and thirsty. I know I have one sprint left in me and I am going to use it now. It might spell the end and failure, but I know I have to do it. This is my shot and I have to trust there is recovery coming. Breathe deep...and go...