Attitude in Ministry

This last weekend I went on a trip to "CONVO". This is an annual high school convention in the pacific northwest conference of the United Methodist Church. There were some great speakers, workshops, free times, conversations, and worship. I will probably end up blogging about the subject of the conference later, "Love All, Worship One," but for now I wanted to focus on what I noticed in the many different church groups at the conference.

There were almost a few different types of groups that I ran into. As DSO (Designated Safety Officer) I went out of my way to make sure the boundaries were followed and everyone was having great safe fun. What I ended up seeing was a few different styles of groups: disregard for rules/authority, pessimistic, and healthy.

The first kind of group I ran into was all about fun. They had a decent size group there. The kids were laughing and running around. I noticed however that this group did not seem to respect anyone trying to tell them what to do. When lights were supposed to be out they were running in the halls, shooting each other with darts and trying to take showers. When I would ask any of them to go to bed or head outside during scheduled time they would ignore me. I asked their leaders to get them outside and they commented that their kids are difficult.

What struck me about this style is that they are a group centered on rapport. The leaders most likely are trying to be friends and have fun. This leads to no authority for their leaders or others. The expectations were always stated before but the youth felt like there was no authority to carry through with it. This style of leadership leaves kids with a friend instead of the much more needed mentor/minister.

The second kind of group that I ran across was the pessimistic. This is one where they would complain, sit in little clusters and poo poo everything that was invited/suggested. In this type of group I noticed that the leaders were burt out. They did not smile, cheer, clap, or sing with the songs. They set the energy level for their youth and the youth meet it.

In this type of group the leaders are teaching their youth about faith. They are teaching it is boring and only worth doing if you are paid (not even then). This type of leader needs to move on because they are not helping their youth grow at all. Instead they are punishing and tainting the view of faith and God. If we as ministers are supposed to be incarnational (represent Jesus) then they are teaching that He is pissed and bored.

The final group that I saw was a healthy energetic group. The youth socialized with people. Listened to leaders. Saught out advice, support and guidance from their leaders and others. They cheered and encouraged others on. They also participated in all discussion (if not led it).

How did they do it? Their leader had created a safe environment where they could be themselves and grow. They never sacrificed authority to speak truth into their kids lives which leads their youth to seek their advice on critical junctures. They participate because they know that is how they will give and receive. Their leaders made it not about just fun, but growth and trust.

It was a great weekend and a facinating case study on what a healthy youth group looks like and how it interacts.

Click

This evening Kessia and I sat after a long day for some mindless TV. We found a movie on with Adam Sandler, which almost guarantees silliness and mayhem. Instead, I rediscovered the depth of the movie "Click" and the lessons it gives us.

The movie focuses on a character who recieves a remote to better control his life. This allows him to fast forward, rewind, mute, and pause. At first this new ability brings a lot of great opportunities and jokes, but soon the remote has learned what the main characters preferences are and auto executes these commands. Soon Adam is skipping sicknesses, arguments, sex, traffic, and almost all parts of life. He wants to slow down, but can not and misses everything. In the end he is sitting on his deathbed (or street) and tells his son not to make the same mistakes.

There was one line that really grabbed me. "You were already fast forwarding through life before you got the remote." That line says it all. He did get a special power to act it out, but he was already doing that in other ways. When I think about this concept placed in to all of our lives I wonder how many times we fast forward.

When have you fast forwarded in life? For me I know there have been times where I have tuned out, gone through the motions, or just not really been present. I have one vivid memory of growing up and being lectured by my Dad. I got his point and then tuned out. He caught me in it and was like reading my mind. That was scary!

There have been other times that I can think of where I went through the motions. Just recently I was helping with a young life group and towards the end I tuned out. I fast forwarded to the end just so I did not have to think about it any longer. Part of it was a coping mechanisim. I was stressed and it was a way to not allow it to bother me. I used the same thing in other ministry positions where the time there was too stressful. The thing that I forget is that even the pain is worth while. If we tune out or fast forward then we often miss things that could have or would have meant a lot.

The other thing that caught me about the movie is how Adam forgets about people. The tear jerker is when he ignores his Dad the last time he will ever see him. Sadly, when we fast forward we often tune out the thing that is the most important, people. There was a saying that many speakers at APU used to give. They would say "There are two things in life that are eternal. The first is the Bible. The second is people." Those are the two things that live on in the afterlife. If that is the case then we should make sure that those two things are what we do not tune out or fast forward through.

Slow down, enjoy the day, and remember what is eternal.

The day

Usually, when I come to post I have a specific message to say. Sometimes it might be a thought that is on my mind or something I have been learning. Tonight I want to do something different. This night I want to come with no expectations and see where the wind (God) carries me. This may end up feeling like a wandering post, but that is exactly what it is meant to be, wandering and searching for God.

Right now I am sitting enjoying classical music while my wife works on her homework next to me. I just finished a very tough weekend. I had three events and each one carried with it expectations, prep, and unsure results. I thought I would have two days off before them to rejuvenate, but instead I ran errands and got surprise calls.

One of those calls was from a youth group across the state. They had made plans with us to stay in the church a few weeks before. I had forgotten they were coming since I was focused on the three events I had to do during the weekend. Unfortunately, I was caught on the other side of the lake when they called. I threw everything I had into the car and raced over the 520 bridge. Even though I had spent all day running errands it was this that broke the straw of the camels back and made me realize that I had worked all of my sabbath away.

The group stayed with us and had some wonderful leaders and kids. I enjoyed showing them around the church. Their youth were very attentive and engaging. Like with any guest though there were struggles. Later, on another day off, I have to take things they left and mail them back. While this is very frustrating for me, I am reminded of several scriptures right now.

What is coming to mind is the many times in the Bible where strangers come and stay. There are countless in the Hebrew Bible. There are many in the New Testament, even as people open their homes up for Jesus and his disciples. The disciples were taught to do this when they went to towns.

I often did not think of the hosts when these out of town guests come. Assuredly the guests meant extra work, time, and were often a surprise. All of those before welcomed them and did what they could do to support the mission of spreading the Good news. I can not help but wonder how God would feel about my attitude of frustration with the guests. It was something I wanted to do to support others in their faith, but at the expense of my health and faith? I now hope to rest, having survived the weekend, and be rejuvenated as I will become the guest this next weekend.

Identity

Who are you? How many of us think we know the answer to that. We may answer with our name. Many times we want to answer with more because we feel that our name does not necessarily describe us so we resort to a title. 

We define ourselves so often by this title. I'm a youth worker. I'm a doctor. I'm a mom. I'm an African American. I'm a teen. These titles in and of themselves help describe who we are, but what happens when one title takes over?

Kessia and I talked about this tonight. We examined at how people defined themselves. There are so many we have come across that allow one aspect of their life dominate and take over. It becomes their name. Their identity. 

Sadly, many people want this because they want to be defined. They want to be in a group. The let the group, the title take over their identity. They lose them self in being a certain profession, sexual orientation, household role, race, or political view. They forget that there is an identity more important than all of these things, God's Child. 

This is the title that should define us. After this there are many titles that make us up, but none should ever come close to our role as God's Child. It is in this title that we find all the things that the other titles can not give us. We find value, grace, community, power, hope, faith, truth and most importantly love. 

If I do not know myself as God's Child then how am I to know true love with my wife? How am I to understand grace and forgiveness in the community? How am I to understand value in others? How am I to see truth in difficult situations? 

We all want to know who we are. We search this out constantly in our lives. The answer has always been there whispering in the Good News that we are loved. We are God's Children. 

Family Ministry

Today I went to a meeting where the topic was "How do we incorporate families (parents) more into children's ministry?" I listened to lots of ideas and thoughts on the topic but I felt that the question itself is the wrong one to ask. 

As a group we looked at some great ideas. There were thoughts on how to get more attendance. There was a discussion on how to best market to people: email vs other. We discussed ways to have parents take the role as primary educator in faith instead of relying on the church for all faith formation. In the end though the question itself is what I feel led the group astray. 

What's wrong with the question? The question itself is already making an assumption that I believe to be false. The question proposes bringing families into what we have for children, as if it is the children whom dictate that their families come and grow. The opposite is actually the case. There is no children's ministry without the parents. What you have without parents is daycare. Sure, you can throw a games, crafts, or great Bible stories in but without the parents support and reinforcement then it amounts to very little. 

In youth ministry there is this idea of parents as the enemy. Many ministers see them as what is stopping truly great relational ministry. Instead the ministers need to remember what is their role and goal in those moments. Many experts have pointed out (which can be found in books like "Partnering with Parents") that youth ministers, and children's ministers, are only in the lives of the children for a very short time. The minister may only have three years to develop the relationship and make an impact. The parent on the other hand has a life time.

Another way to look at it is when a youth or child grows up and has a faith crisis whom do they turn to? They turn to their parents. I can speak from experience that I look to my parents first. Ironically enough one of my parents suggestions was to email my old youth minister, but my parents were still first. 

It is this reason that we need to be looking how to engage more with parents. We need to be looking at relational ministry with parents. Making sure we are equipping them to grow, seek out God, and own the role as primary teacher in faith for their kids. 

Now, I have to put the "how to" section in here or my wife will be on me about this. I would propose spending time with parents. Showing an interest in their lives. One simple thing I am doing is going to watch the show "Lost" with a family. This will give us time together and a chance to share ideas, faith, and life. When they are the lead for the Children's class, we will sit and discuss the scripture that will be taught that day and how best might we communicate it. My hope is that this time gives them a chance to get to know scripture more, discuss faith more, and share their life. Finally, getting rid of the "Children's" and "Youth" ministry tags as much as possible. This will allow it to be church ministry and truly intergenerational. 

It is after this that we can stop asking about how to bring parents into children's ministry, but rather how can we help everyone experience and come to know Christ.