Using facebook

At a recent youth workers gathering we went around the table and discussed our use and philosophy with facebook. Many at the table said that it was something that they used to update or contact youth. All were clear that they kept things public, had others with access to their account, and would cc parents on any messages to the youth.

These things are wonderful, but what happens when we don't know how to censor what we are posting? What happens when the youth work takes over our personal lives? I think the example above could be hinting of that. This youth worker could be trying to drum up interest in what is going on, or show their youth that they care. In all likely hood this is leaning towards the unhealthy realm.

In a short time span I was able to view these type of status updates on facebook from a youth worker:

"Movie night tongiht!!! 5- UNTIL we're done?? Bring some money for pizza and a possible movie we might watch!!! Yay!! Jammies would be nice too, maybe a pillow and a blanket??? Its your call...I'm just saying."

Then shortly after:

"hanging with the youth watching WILLOW!! Woot! I ♥ My Youth Group!!!"

Finally the inside jokes come:

"no pantless nudists allowed - however, you can be a nudist with pantssss?????"

*To be clear I am using this flurry of status updates as an example and not trying to point blame or get anyone in trouble.*

How do we know this is unhealthy? First, using facebook to advertise things during a youth event is teaching the youth to do the same. Ignore those in front of you to stay connected to media. It is cutting off face to face interactions for personal glory. Posting of inside jokes online is to make yourself feel cool. You will get responses and others to talk with you about your page. You become the special person of the group that all the others look to. Now as a leader you need to be looked to not as a friend though, but as a resource/mentor/minister.

The second thing that leads us to know this is leading towards unhealthy is lack of planning. Having the youth bring what ever movie they want to watch is a dangerous deal. I never allow this with video games, because when winging it we take away the parents ability to be parents. If they prohibit a certain game, movie, ect and we allow that to sneak in without their support then we set up an us vs them. This is not a healthy ministry. Again we are becoming the youths friends that don't help them, but lead astray. Ministers need to partner with parents. This means more work, but we will not be in most youth's lives more than 3-4 years. The parents will be there the rest of their lives!

Finally, we have the inappropriate comment. It is an inside joke, but without context all parents and youth can tell is that joking about sex and nudity is ok. I have not stated whether this youth worker was a male or female. Does a male youth worker joking about nudity while teens are in their jammies ok? Thinking of that makes me cringe as a youth worker, male, and putting myself in parents shoes. So, if this was a female does that make that line ok? It shouldn't, but would probably get a pass from many.

This further demonstrates unhealthy boundaries in not knowing what to joke about with teens or how this can come across to those without the context. Youth leaders are always representing the church and Christ. We have to be aware of how we are coming across even if that is not how we intend. This is made even more crucial as we post things on the internet.

Facebook is a great thing. I love getting on it. I use it to get help or advertise things for church too. I have to be very careful about what I do say on it though since there are youth that have me as a friend. One of the dangers I see, and this youth worker could be falling into, is if this becomes your social group. The youth are not to be our friends. They have enough friends already. They need us as their ministers. We need to be able to call them out on the hard truths, challenge them, and not worry about rejection.

I found myself falling toward this trap the other day. When I found out I was preaching I wanted everyone to be there. This is an important day in my life and a huge step for me. I wanted people's support so I could make it through it. In the end I was tempted to invite youth I have had in the past. When I thought about the reasons I wanted this it was for my own personal benefit. Yes, I do believe I will have something good to say. Yes, I think the youth would get something out of it, but in the end it was so I could feel special and good about myself.

That invitation for support that I was looking for is the role of our friends. If youth want to step into this role and it is appropriate then that is their choice, but it is not something for me to request.

The other thing I have found recently is when I go to support something in my personal life on facebook it may end up backfiring. I came out in support of Children's Hospitals expansion. As a result one of the families from the church got wind of it and proceeded to attack it online. They did not mean anything bad, nor had I, but it put me in a very sticky situation. I have full right to support this plan. But, by putting it out there it mixes me as a youth worker and uses my leadership of youth in an awkward, possibly negative way.

The other issue is that it set up an argument with a family at church that should have never come up. This battle could have resulted in the loss of them as church members or created negative feelings towards me. I do not think this happened, as I backed down quickly, but then I had to essentially give up the public support of Childrens. If this had been just a personal thing with a friend I would have been free to debate and argue. We, as friends, would choose to still be friends and would likely work something out.

All in all I am seeing more and more issues with having a personal and work account on facebook as one. We mix our needs, cause unnecessary issues with families, and can be taken out of context easily. This is a dangerous road to go with youth and families. After thinking all of this through I will be making a separate account for friends and keeping all youth, families, and co-workers on one account. This will allow me to honest and open with friends (as much as you can on the internet). It will also allow me to make sure I am not working on days off either.

I will keep you posted on how the switch turns out.