Family Ministry

Today I went to a meeting where the topic was "How do we incorporate families (parents) more into children's ministry?" I listened to lots of ideas and thoughts on the topic but I felt that the question itself is the wrong one to ask. 

As a group we looked at some great ideas. There were thoughts on how to get more attendance. There was a discussion on how to best market to people: email vs other. We discussed ways to have parents take the role as primary educator in faith instead of relying on the church for all faith formation. In the end though the question itself is what I feel led the group astray. 

What's wrong with the question? The question itself is already making an assumption that I believe to be false. The question proposes bringing families into what we have for children, as if it is the children whom dictate that their families come and grow. The opposite is actually the case. There is no children's ministry without the parents. What you have without parents is daycare. Sure, you can throw a games, crafts, or great Bible stories in but without the parents support and reinforcement then it amounts to very little. 

In youth ministry there is this idea of parents as the enemy. Many ministers see them as what is stopping truly great relational ministry. Instead the ministers need to remember what is their role and goal in those moments. Many experts have pointed out (which can be found in books like "Partnering with Parents") that youth ministers, and children's ministers, are only in the lives of the children for a very short time. The minister may only have three years to develop the relationship and make an impact. The parent on the other hand has a life time.

Another way to look at it is when a youth or child grows up and has a faith crisis whom do they turn to? They turn to their parents. I can speak from experience that I look to my parents first. Ironically enough one of my parents suggestions was to email my old youth minister, but my parents were still first. 

It is this reason that we need to be looking how to engage more with parents. We need to be looking at relational ministry with parents. Making sure we are equipping them to grow, seek out God, and own the role as primary teacher in faith for their kids. 

Now, I have to put the "how to" section in here or my wife will be on me about this. I would propose spending time with parents. Showing an interest in their lives. One simple thing I am doing is going to watch the show "Lost" with a family. This will give us time together and a chance to share ideas, faith, and life. When they are the lead for the Children's class, we will sit and discuss the scripture that will be taught that day and how best might we communicate it. My hope is that this time gives them a chance to get to know scripture more, discuss faith more, and share their life. Finally, getting rid of the "Children's" and "Youth" ministry tags as much as possible. This will allow it to be church ministry and truly intergenerational. 

It is after this that we can stop asking about how to bring parents into children's ministry, but rather how can we help everyone experience and come to know Christ.