Wesley's Life

Right now I am reading about John Wesley in the book "Wesley and the people we call Methodists." The thing that has fascinated me the most through the beginning of the story is the theological wrestling Wesley is constantly doing. Thankfully with Wesley's Journals being available we can look back and see how things changed over time for him. We get a great picture of the doubts, struggles, and controversy that he dealt with. See it first hand has given me great hope in faith where I am at in my own journey.

When I had heard John Wesley's story before things seemed so clean cut. He started a group at Oxford, it flourished and he worked on acts of piety and charity. The group was mocked. Wesley then later went to Georgia, struggled there, came back and had a awaking experience. With this "heart" faith he then was on fire and preached and worked for God.

That was the story I knew and heard. As I read now it feels like this brief summary does not do the story 10% justice. Wesley's epiphany at Aldersgate does not solve all his problems, it seems as though in some ways it causes more. The experience seems to give him some peace about his faith, but those he looked up to then refused him communion because he still did not have true faith. Wesley struggles with what the marks of a true Christian are. Later he starts going against predestination and the moravians he looked up to. This ends up isolating him and causes large disputes with friends.

What I have taken away from this look so far is much more hopeful than before. Several years ago I heard several friends and Christians talking about Mother Teresa's journal and how it had doubts recorded in it. This troubled my friends and lead them too to question "if the most faithful person in the world doubted than how can it be real?" I end up on the other side of this. If she, and Wesley like her, struggled then God will be with me through any struggles I have.

I must confess that I have never liked studying saints. When working in the Catholic Church people would bring me information on the saints and suggest we teach it. I nodded and smiled, knowing I would not be teaching it. The reason for me was that it always seemed like the saints were so high on a pedestal that it seemed unrealistic to apply it to real life. Without a practical application I feared that this would do more harm to the young faith than good.

While doubts are not necessary to faith, I feel they play a crucial role. Through reading about stories like Wesley I see my doubt more as an encouragement that my faith is active. Essentially the doubt in my life is reflection upon my theology, my life, my understanding of God. This constant wrestle is a beautiful journey that I believe honors God. It allows the Spirit to speak and convict in our lives.

Do not be afraid of doubt, but take it as reminder to engage with God and allow the Spirit to speak to your concern.