Over Memorial day weekend, I was down at University Puget Sound for the annual CONVO get together for High School United Methodist Students. We had an amazing speaker named Mark Yaconelli. This youth ministry veteran told many incredible stories that captivated the all of us in attendance. One of his stories stuck out to me specifically.
Mark had a student, we will call him John. John could be very difficult and stuck around the church on the edges. One year John ended up getting caught with drugs and for his sentence in court he was ordered to go to a rehab clinic. This was a pretty special program up in the mountains. As a part of the program each students would end their time with a week in solitude out in the back country. This time was almost a spiritual time to think about all they had been through.
Around this time that John comes back to the youth group Mark finally caves into a friend who has been bugging him about doing role playing in youth group. The youth had been struggling with how to talk about their faith with others and share what it means. So Mark sets up a little stage where there are two chairs and a table in between like a lunch room. Then he asks for two volunteers.
The first one to come up and sit in the "Christian" chair was a young woman named Kim. The second student, who was to sit in the "non-christian" chair was a young man named Chris. As they started out the role play Kim started explaining who Jesus is and why that is important in our lives. Chris shoots back about how we know this. Kim answers that the Bible, God's word helps us understand it. Chris rappidly fires again, "I don't believe in the Bible."
At this point Kim raises her hand. This was the groups signal if they got stuck and wanted someone else to come in and try it out. Another youth, Alex, comes up and fills right in. Alex explains that we can see and know God from all creation. We can see all that God has made and know that God is good and loving.
About this time the group all starts to feel this is a little real for Chris and he was not just role playing. Chris responded angrily to Alex's assertion by explaining that he had lost a friend to a stray bullet from a gang. Where had God been then? Does that observation show God's goodness? Quietly, Alex raised his hand.
At this point Mark started to worry and wonder what he had just done to all the youth. How was he going to rescue the situation and figure out some way to take this. That and how great a suggestion it was from his friend! At this point, none other than John, who had just gotten back from rehab, steps up. Mark's worry went into over drive as he imagined the conversation these two were going to have about faith.
John silently walked up and removed the table from between the chairs. He scooted the chair close to Chris and sat down. Chris then in almost a full shout starts firing. "What are you going to tell me? What, that God is good, or that my friend was meant to die?" Chris kept firing and firing in his angry shout.
At this point only those close up could see it, but John had a single tear sliding down his cheek. Chris noticed this and stopped. John then stood up and picked up Chris and held him close. He embraced him tightly for a few moments and then the two of them walked back to their seats. All the while John had never said a single word.
John had shown God's love by listening rather than throwing words at Chris. He had listened with his heart. This is how all of us should respond. We do not need to reason or argue the world into faith, but show what it really means to believe.
I pray we all can preach the Gospel where ever we go and only if ABSOLUTELY necessary, use words.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Where are you looking for love?
I had a great conversation the other day with a friend. They are at a stage in their life where they are beginning to feel the pressure to get married. Their parents have asked if they are meeting enough "people" leaving my friend wondering. They had not felt this pressure till recently and now it is coming in fast.
Through the course of the conversation we talked about a couple of different things. The first was how Paul argues that it is better to be single. I can completely understand this. While I love my wife so much, I also understand how when I hear a call from God I need to check this with her and see if that might be possible with us. There are two making discussions and listening rather than one. This can often inhibit couples from following God's call as one might be hesitant.
My friend brought up a piece of scripture of how two are better than one. It is really frustrating how this piece of scripture gets taken out of context. I have heard it in a wedding where this passage implies that it is better to be with someone than without. That is COMPLETELY false and twisting scripture. The passage is about being in community. It is better to be around others than without. Simply put if we are not in relationship with others how can you ever understand love, trust, and sacrifice? These are communal practices and no individual concepts.
In the most extreme I have seen this played out in my grandmother. She has lived alone for the last decade and the lack of others around has taken her ability to think. I love her dearly, but without having to think of others we start thinking that the world revolves around us. We place our selves in the God role. Frankly, I know this is something I can never do, live alone, because I will become overly paranoid and self centered.
In the end my friend and I began to talk about where we look for love. I fessed up that even with having "romantic" love I long desperately for friendship love. Every time a friend does not call me back, or leaves me hanging, or does not call I take it very personally. I have the same desires my friend has, but for deep friendships.
We both realized that we are created for Love. The problem we both, and I am sure millions of others, is that we try to fill that need for love with other things rather than with God's unconditional love. It is very difficult to remember, but something that we must constantly ask ourselves. Where are we looking for love? Whom are we looking to for love?
I pray one day I will be able to answer that question honestly and wholeheartedly, God!
Through the course of the conversation we talked about a couple of different things. The first was how Paul argues that it is better to be single. I can completely understand this. While I love my wife so much, I also understand how when I hear a call from God I need to check this with her and see if that might be possible with us. There are two making discussions and listening rather than one. This can often inhibit couples from following God's call as one might be hesitant.
My friend brought up a piece of scripture of how two are better than one. It is really frustrating how this piece of scripture gets taken out of context. I have heard it in a wedding where this passage implies that it is better to be with someone than without. That is COMPLETELY false and twisting scripture. The passage is about being in community. It is better to be around others than without. Simply put if we are not in relationship with others how can you ever understand love, trust, and sacrifice? These are communal practices and no individual concepts.
In the most extreme I have seen this played out in my grandmother. She has lived alone for the last decade and the lack of others around has taken her ability to think. I love her dearly, but without having to think of others we start thinking that the world revolves around us. We place our selves in the God role. Frankly, I know this is something I can never do, live alone, because I will become overly paranoid and self centered.
In the end my friend and I began to talk about where we look for love. I fessed up that even with having "romantic" love I long desperately for friendship love. Every time a friend does not call me back, or leaves me hanging, or does not call I take it very personally. I have the same desires my friend has, but for deep friendships.
We both realized that we are created for Love. The problem we both, and I am sure millions of others, is that we try to fill that need for love with other things rather than with God's unconditional love. It is very difficult to remember, but something that we must constantly ask ourselves. Where are we looking for love? Whom are we looking to for love?
I pray one day I will be able to answer that question honestly and wholeheartedly, God!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tradition vs Change
You would think growing up in the Catholic church that my first experience of a battle over tradition or change would have happened while at Mass or youth group. Surprisingly the first time I remember starting to ponder over why something has to be done in the traditional way was during a yearbook meeting. I was a freshman in High School and getting briefed on how the yearbook runs. As I listened things seemed to be very inefficient and hierarchical. I challenged those perceptions and traditions. I was instantly shut down by the group and dismissed for not understanding.
It was then I started to wonder why many traditions were not up for debate. I remember ranting and raving at home (possibly in my room listening to really loud rap) about if the tradition was so good and had such a good reason then someone should be able to explain it to me. When the answer came back from the group "that's just how we do it!" I was left with the frustration of not understanding and lack of adjustment to an outdated system.
Jumping ahead I have seen this time and again throughout churches, institutions and groups. I questioned things at the Catholic church. Wondering if the group can learn from outside sources and new ideas in ministry. Instead of getting welcomed into the traditions and had them explained I was dismissed as not knowing enough. Instead of facing the questions and thinking through why we do things they way we do in the catholic church I worked at the leadership tried to find ways to not examine the basis/foundation behind the traditions. Not all were this way at the Catholic church. One co-worker would often discuss the traditions with me and debate and disagree with many of them.
I find myself in the middle of tradition and change, which seems to put me at odds with both sides in any discussion. Any tradition should withstand questioning and have a clear purpose of why we still hold to this custom. If not then it should be up for adjustment or change. Changing systems, operations, practices, or other beliefs should not come easy either. To change things just to try something new lacks the same purpose that keeping a tradition "just cause" does.
While there are millions of examples I have experienced first hand I am going to look at two of them:
The first is a Christmas Eve worship service that we have at my church. This service has been around for decades. Essentially the service is done in all darkness and families come and go as they please. The worship team here has taken a great step in examining this practice and asking the hard questions. For many this is difficult because the tradition has become so important to them. It has become sacred, which is great!
The worship team, just last meeting started asking why do we have this service. Whom and what is this service serving? Does it fit our overall vision for the church? This is exactly the dialogue that I believe all traditions should face. We must be able to understand the purpose, vision, and mission of any tradition. When this dialogue continues the group may decide to keep everything the same. If so they will have done so with a clearer purpose of why and what we are accomplishing with this tradition.
The second one that comes to mind recently is a youth team that I have just joined as a leader. The youth and past leaders have established a many traditions and customs within the group. The biggest one is that the whole groups purpose, as it stands now, is to plan one retreat and that is it. Knowing the mission of the group I have started to raise the question of why are we not aiming for more. The group is open to trying to serve God through leading other aspects but are shy (and exhausted) from planning. We will see how the process of change works here as the group has already agreed to raise the bar, yet very reluctantly.
There are many other places we see this battle played out. Politics is one where this has become a major battle from change to the tradition of keeping "my America" the way I remember it. No matter the tradition being changed or kept I believe we should always, ALWAYS, be able to explain and understand why we have things the way they are. If we don't know why a tradition is in place then its probably time to examine it and adjust to our changing culture.
It was then I started to wonder why many traditions were not up for debate. I remember ranting and raving at home (possibly in my room listening to really loud rap) about if the tradition was so good and had such a good reason then someone should be able to explain it to me. When the answer came back from the group "that's just how we do it!" I was left with the frustration of not understanding and lack of adjustment to an outdated system.
Jumping ahead I have seen this time and again throughout churches, institutions and groups. I questioned things at the Catholic church. Wondering if the group can learn from outside sources and new ideas in ministry. Instead of getting welcomed into the traditions and had them explained I was dismissed as not knowing enough. Instead of facing the questions and thinking through why we do things they way we do in the catholic church I worked at the leadership tried to find ways to not examine the basis/foundation behind the traditions. Not all were this way at the Catholic church. One co-worker would often discuss the traditions with me and debate and disagree with many of them.
I find myself in the middle of tradition and change, which seems to put me at odds with both sides in any discussion. Any tradition should withstand questioning and have a clear purpose of why we still hold to this custom. If not then it should be up for adjustment or change. Changing systems, operations, practices, or other beliefs should not come easy either. To change things just to try something new lacks the same purpose that keeping a tradition "just cause" does.
While there are millions of examples I have experienced first hand I am going to look at two of them:
The first is a Christmas Eve worship service that we have at my church. This service has been around for decades. Essentially the service is done in all darkness and families come and go as they please. The worship team here has taken a great step in examining this practice and asking the hard questions. For many this is difficult because the tradition has become so important to them. It has become sacred, which is great!
The worship team, just last meeting started asking why do we have this service. Whom and what is this service serving? Does it fit our overall vision for the church? This is exactly the dialogue that I believe all traditions should face. We must be able to understand the purpose, vision, and mission of any tradition. When this dialogue continues the group may decide to keep everything the same. If so they will have done so with a clearer purpose of why and what we are accomplishing with this tradition.
The second one that comes to mind recently is a youth team that I have just joined as a leader. The youth and past leaders have established a many traditions and customs within the group. The biggest one is that the whole groups purpose, as it stands now, is to plan one retreat and that is it. Knowing the mission of the group I have started to raise the question of why are we not aiming for more. The group is open to trying to serve God through leading other aspects but are shy (and exhausted) from planning. We will see how the process of change works here as the group has already agreed to raise the bar, yet very reluctantly.
There are many other places we see this battle played out. Politics is one where this has become a major battle from change to the tradition of keeping "my America" the way I remember it. No matter the tradition being changed or kept I believe we should always, ALWAYS, be able to explain and understand why we have things the way they are. If we don't know why a tradition is in place then its probably time to examine it and adjust to our changing culture.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Faith In Action
Right now I am writing a workshop for High School teens called "Faith In Action." As with all things in faith I so often think I know where to go and what needs to be said and then God swoops in and lets me know other wise.
Today I continued doing some research on some aspects and tenets that change service into Christian service (or faith in action). I have looked at key pieces like love, solidarity, and justice. I have quotes from many famous leaders from Mother Teresa to Gandhi about these aspects. Today I started reading more of Henri Nouwen and it opened my eyes.
The perspective I had going into this was how do we "do" faith in action. What do we need to have as apart of it. Nouwen writes in "In the Name of Jesus," a book about Christian leadership, about allowing God to heal us. He is referencing the loneliness and despair that come in ministry, but the principle rings true.
The first step, that I was missing, is not that we have love, vision, great ideals, but a humbled heart ready to be served. If I am not ready to be served and loved then how am I supposed to show others? This first step becomes acknowledging the needs, spiritually dry spots, and desperate cries in our own life. When we deny this we are trying to stay in control. We are faking who we are and denying our desperate need for God.
If we can not open up our own needs and cries to God then how are we to obey. The only one we are willing to obey there is ourselves and that keeps us in Service and away from Christian service. When we serve ourselves and our own needs there is no Christ in what we do.
Faith in and of itself is taking a leap to where we have no proof, we go beyond the easily observable and trust. It is that open trust that is necessary when serving so that we do not end up serving our self. I have been with teens that have articulated that they serve because it gives them fuzzy feelings. The service is not about God and a response to Christs love and sacrifice, but an altar to our own ego. When we take the Holy Spirit into our lives we start to give up our own control is when we can finally put our faith into action.
Thank you God for helping me remember that for my faith to be in action I must first trust and obey your Spirit's leading in my life.
Today I continued doing some research on some aspects and tenets that change service into Christian service (or faith in action). I have looked at key pieces like love, solidarity, and justice. I have quotes from many famous leaders from Mother Teresa to Gandhi about these aspects. Today I started reading more of Henri Nouwen and it opened my eyes.
The perspective I had going into this was how do we "do" faith in action. What do we need to have as apart of it. Nouwen writes in "In the Name of Jesus," a book about Christian leadership, about allowing God to heal us. He is referencing the loneliness and despair that come in ministry, but the principle rings true.
The first step, that I was missing, is not that we have love, vision, great ideals, but a humbled heart ready to be served. If I am not ready to be served and loved then how am I supposed to show others? This first step becomes acknowledging the needs, spiritually dry spots, and desperate cries in our own life. When we deny this we are trying to stay in control. We are faking who we are and denying our desperate need for God.
If we can not open up our own needs and cries to God then how are we to obey. The only one we are willing to obey there is ourselves and that keeps us in Service and away from Christian service. When we serve ourselves and our own needs there is no Christ in what we do.
Faith in and of itself is taking a leap to where we have no proof, we go beyond the easily observable and trust. It is that open trust that is necessary when serving so that we do not end up serving our self. I have been with teens that have articulated that they serve because it gives them fuzzy feelings. The service is not about God and a response to Christs love and sacrifice, but an altar to our own ego. When we take the Holy Spirit into our lives we start to give up our own control is when we can finally put our faith into action.
Thank you God for helping me remember that for my faith to be in action I must first trust and obey your Spirit's leading in my life.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Holy Spirit
Lately, I have been reading a book by Frances Chan called "Forgotten God." This book revolves around the Holy Spirit and how we often forget about this crucial part of our Triune God. While I have been touched about how often I do forget about the Spirit, last night two things stuck out to me while reading.
The first is this perception in Christianity that if I am not lead where I do not want to go then I am not really doing God's work. I found this often while on campus at Azusa Pacific. There was this feeling as though we were all being judged of if we gave up everything and went some place to serve. Not just this but it had to be a place we did not want to go.
This became a dominant Christian narrative on campus, just like having a single moment where you became a follower of Jesus, or you went on coffee dates. The feel began to be this have and have-nots of followers. I realize most of this is just perceived, but it became very frustrating.
I found myself torn as I wanted to do that also. I wanted to go abroad and give up time in my life just to serve and nothing else. The problem is that is not who God created me to be. Now I imagine people responding back, "How do you know that?" It has been confirmed to me again and again. I contract just about every illness I come into contact with. Every trip to a poverty stricken area I end up coming down with a serious illness. I had a 102 temperature from another mission to Mexico, where I also contracted Tuberculosis. And on another Mexico mission I ended up puking for days. Once, is just a chance, multiple times and I believe something is trying to be communicated.
In the end the perspective that we all MUST go aboard to serve God is just false. Some are called to go, and others to stay. The important part is serving with all your heart.
The second thing that we often forget that the Spirit is right there to walk with every day. Jesus told us the spirit would be better than having Him around. Personally, I do not act like that. I yearn to have Jesus with me. I forget about the gift that we have been given.
The saddest thing for me is to realize how little I include God, or more specifically in this life. I have tested God's promise of being given the Spirit when we ask. I have felt fully that I was no longer in control of myself and the Spirit had taken over. The things that came from that were beautiful and more fruitful that I could ever accomplish. So why do I now forget?
It is time for me to wake up and remember the Spirit. Allow the Spirit into me and to take over. I miss teachable moments. I say the wrong things, stumble on testimony, become tempted by things and sin, and fail to honor God with the things I do and fail to do. When I have included the Spirit in my life none of this has happened. I know that I often get in the way and I want to no longer do that. I want to let go and let the Holy Spirit take over.
By doing this I know that true Joy, true Beauty, and true Faith shall come. Enter Spirit, I am ready to be convicted, redeemed, and counseled.
The first is this perception in Christianity that if I am not lead where I do not want to go then I am not really doing God's work. I found this often while on campus at Azusa Pacific. There was this feeling as though we were all being judged of if we gave up everything and went some place to serve. Not just this but it had to be a place we did not want to go.
This became a dominant Christian narrative on campus, just like having a single moment where you became a follower of Jesus, or you went on coffee dates. The feel began to be this have and have-nots of followers. I realize most of this is just perceived, but it became very frustrating.
I found myself torn as I wanted to do that also. I wanted to go abroad and give up time in my life just to serve and nothing else. The problem is that is not who God created me to be. Now I imagine people responding back, "How do you know that?" It has been confirmed to me again and again. I contract just about every illness I come into contact with. Every trip to a poverty stricken area I end up coming down with a serious illness. I had a 102 temperature from another mission to Mexico, where I also contracted Tuberculosis. And on another Mexico mission I ended up puking for days. Once, is just a chance, multiple times and I believe something is trying to be communicated.
In the end the perspective that we all MUST go aboard to serve God is just false. Some are called to go, and others to stay. The important part is serving with all your heart.
The second thing that we often forget that the Spirit is right there to walk with every day. Jesus told us the spirit would be better than having Him around. Personally, I do not act like that. I yearn to have Jesus with me. I forget about the gift that we have been given.
The saddest thing for me is to realize how little I include God, or more specifically in this life. I have tested God's promise of being given the Spirit when we ask. I have felt fully that I was no longer in control of myself and the Spirit had taken over. The things that came from that were beautiful and more fruitful that I could ever accomplish. So why do I now forget?
It is time for me to wake up and remember the Spirit. Allow the Spirit into me and to take over. I miss teachable moments. I say the wrong things, stumble on testimony, become tempted by things and sin, and fail to honor God with the things I do and fail to do. When I have included the Spirit in my life none of this has happened. I know that I often get in the way and I want to no longer do that. I want to let go and let the Holy Spirit take over.
By doing this I know that true Joy, true Beauty, and true Faith shall come. Enter Spirit, I am ready to be convicted, redeemed, and counseled.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Support of Dreams
There have been many things that have come up in the last month that I have meant to write about. I have had times were these topics have rolled through my mind and I thought of how to put it up here. Alas I did not. Other things grabbed my attention and pulled me away before I could remember to write about it.
This time its different. Most likely, knowing myself, because I am a little upset about this. Here it is:
There have been many times in my life where I have come up with big ideas, dreams, or visions. These things seem great to me and I can clearly see the purpose of them. One idea was a local mission trip to show students how we can serve locally and not just in other places. I wanted to gather support from local youth leaders and contacted them and worked hard to get things going. In the end all I heard was no, too busy, or hey why don't we do this instead. No one listened, and instead tried to get me to support their thing.
Later when working I presented an idea of how to save myself and the ministry lots of time. The summer slowed down and I would have some slow time to finally get to some larger projects. I thought and decided to ask my supervisor if I could go to the Catholic Library at the Archdiocese and use that quiet space to focus and use the resources, to plan the curriculum for the middle school that year. She ended up saying no, most likely because she did not trust me.
Now I have the dream to become published and write a curriculum that will help our students, and hopefully others, this summer. My Pastor is very supportive, but I don't think I'll get to do it.
Am I bad at articulating? Is there some vision or plan that I am missing that others can see?
For me I have come to a conclusion. No one, professionally, is going to support my dreams. I am going to have to do it myself. I know going this route is going to cause me to become burned out fast, but what am I to do? I have a desire, an itch, a passion that I have to pursue. If it is not something I can do during work time then I am going to have to sacrifice personal time to do work.
I pray that God has a plan for this, because I know this is going to take my already low tank and pull the one plug keeping things in. I hope that God has something in store for the other side of this to help me grow and see others grow.
Nothing like a sports analogy to finish things.
I have already been running the race a while. I am tired and thirsty. I know I have one sprint left in me and I am going to use it now. It might spell the end and failure, but I know I have to do it. This is my shot and I have to trust there is recovery coming. Breathe deep...and go...
This time its different. Most likely, knowing myself, because I am a little upset about this. Here it is:
There have been many times in my life where I have come up with big ideas, dreams, or visions. These things seem great to me and I can clearly see the purpose of them. One idea was a local mission trip to show students how we can serve locally and not just in other places. I wanted to gather support from local youth leaders and contacted them and worked hard to get things going. In the end all I heard was no, too busy, or hey why don't we do this instead. No one listened, and instead tried to get me to support their thing.
Later when working I presented an idea of how to save myself and the ministry lots of time. The summer slowed down and I would have some slow time to finally get to some larger projects. I thought and decided to ask my supervisor if I could go to the Catholic Library at the Archdiocese and use that quiet space to focus and use the resources, to plan the curriculum for the middle school that year. She ended up saying no, most likely because she did not trust me.
Now I have the dream to become published and write a curriculum that will help our students, and hopefully others, this summer. My Pastor is very supportive, but I don't think I'll get to do it.
Am I bad at articulating? Is there some vision or plan that I am missing that others can see?
For me I have come to a conclusion. No one, professionally, is going to support my dreams. I am going to have to do it myself. I know going this route is going to cause me to become burned out fast, but what am I to do? I have a desire, an itch, a passion that I have to pursue. If it is not something I can do during work time then I am going to have to sacrifice personal time to do work.
I pray that God has a plan for this, because I know this is going to take my already low tank and pull the one plug keeping things in. I hope that God has something in store for the other side of this to help me grow and see others grow.
Nothing like a sports analogy to finish things.
I have already been running the race a while. I am tired and thirsty. I know I have one sprint left in me and I am going to use it now. It might spell the end and failure, but I know I have to do it. This is my shot and I have to trust there is recovery coming. Breathe deep...and go...
Saturday, March 27, 2010
When its all about me
Sitting in a passionate meeting after church one day I got a surprised dropped on me. The discussion rolled around to the children's program for Easter. At that moment an individual chimed in that they wanted to see us have Sunday School that day. I explained why I did not think that this was a fruitful idea. The person continued to push, so I opened the door for them to take the bull by the horns.
I learned from previous jobs that if someone is passionate about something then have them take a part in the solution. That is what I attempted to do in this situation. I said that there needed to be volunteers (as I had explained before) and that I would want them to be one of the volunteers along with helping me find others. They agreed and so I let it go.
A few weeks later the individual backed out because the children they were going to bring were no longer going to make it. The result was that we would go with my initial recommendation. The sad reality though is that this was another case where it was not about the needs of students, helping others grow with God, but about the individuals desires.
This happens a lot in church. We get great plans and ideas, but they are not about the bigger picture but about our own needs. The church situation becomes about our own needs rather than God. I see this all the time in the many churches I have been in. Well meaning individuals that let their desires for their children to take center stage, or drop out of a mission trip at the last minute cause it is inconvenient to their beach plans. These situations all take the focus from the true purpose of things to being about our needs.
My wife and I recently joined a small group. This is something we have been wanting to do for a long time. We needed a place to grow spiritually where I would not be on staff. Our desires entering were about our own needs. However, through the course of the small group we have made the point to lift others up, compliment others, go the extra mile to support the leaders. These things have not been about our desires, but serving God through the small group.
I wish there was more of that in churches. If only we could see the larger picture (myself included) more often and not our own selfish needs for a quick fix, a easy answer, a child to be center stage. If only we could put our own needs down and get to what God and his children may need in this situation or that.
I learned from previous jobs that if someone is passionate about something then have them take a part in the solution. That is what I attempted to do in this situation. I said that there needed to be volunteers (as I had explained before) and that I would want them to be one of the volunteers along with helping me find others. They agreed and so I let it go.
A few weeks later the individual backed out because the children they were going to bring were no longer going to make it. The result was that we would go with my initial recommendation. The sad reality though is that this was another case where it was not about the needs of students, helping others grow with God, but about the individuals desires.
This happens a lot in church. We get great plans and ideas, but they are not about the bigger picture but about our own needs. The church situation becomes about our own needs rather than God. I see this all the time in the many churches I have been in. Well meaning individuals that let their desires for their children to take center stage, or drop out of a mission trip at the last minute cause it is inconvenient to their beach plans. These situations all take the focus from the true purpose of things to being about our needs.
My wife and I recently joined a small group. This is something we have been wanting to do for a long time. We needed a place to grow spiritually where I would not be on staff. Our desires entering were about our own needs. However, through the course of the small group we have made the point to lift others up, compliment others, go the extra mile to support the leaders. These things have not been about our desires, but serving God through the small group.
I wish there was more of that in churches. If only we could see the larger picture (myself included) more often and not our own selfish needs for a quick fix, a easy answer, a child to be center stage. If only we could put our own needs down and get to what God and his children may need in this situation or that.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Being in the Desert
Many times for me lent is a spiritual renewal. There were church services more often. New spiritual practices. A renewed focus on God. Hearing more stories of Jesus that ended with a celebration. All of these helped drive me to new heights during lent. Over the last couple of years though that has not been the case. Instead I resonate with a old co-worker of mine. I always hated being told what to give up.
My co-worker surprised me one staff meeting a few years back when he has this feeling of dread radiating from him as we entered into a discussion of lent. He commented that this time of the year was the most challenging for him, and often his wife. The feeling of being in the desert seemed very real as he spoke about having questions arise, spiritual dryness, and temptations.
The last few years I have really understood that feeling. I still find the time to be generally renewing, but now see more desert than ever before.
One thing that cropped up for me while at the Catholic church was the pressure to give up something. I hated the idea that someone else was going to tell me what my relationship with God needed. The idea of sacrifice was great. I wanted to change things in my life to come closer to God. What I did not need was an arbitrary rule on how I needed to give up meat on a certain day.
The biggest problem for me was how this would play out in the office. I would not think about the days of the week (when you have an ever changing schedule it almost becomes hard to track days except Sunday) and end up bringing a meat sandwich on a Friday. Then someone would make a comment and start hinting at how I was failing. Many times it felt as though my boss would use these times to show others that I was not Catholic.
This caused me more resentment and anger towards the church than any growth with God. What I learned was that a tradition was more important than me with the group. I felt as though I was sitting with the Pharisees as they attack a rule that Jesus has broken. It was not to look beyond what was happening to the individual, but to demean. This was not the only tradition that I felt that way with. I wished that others would bring about the joy in obedience and not stress others failure to boost themselves up.
I felt the desert then as I struggled with conformity. This year I struggled with feeling futile. Right now I have a great support group and social network. I have a small group with a church that is growing fast. I have great friends that I get to hang out with outside of work. I have a great community around. What I feel the desert in is lack of growth at my church. I have been there over a year and a half now. All I have seen is families leave. We have yet to bring new ones in. This drop has played a burden but I have kept on.
Then a few situations collided and these failings came to the forefront. A crack in the dam finally broke and my insecurities rushed out. I now work to hopefully not need a dam, but in the mean time I examine the validity of these suppressed thoughts.
Through all of this a story that my pastor told me the other day really helped. It was of a grandfather who gave a child a pot of dirt. He told the little girl to water the pot of dirt every day without fail. She did for a long time with no results. Finally, she got sick of it and tried to give the pot back to the grandfather. He refused and told her to keep watering. She begrudgingly went back to water. Soon she saw a sprout.
My pastors point was that sometimes it takes a long time to see the fruit. Sometimes we want a new pot of dirt. In the end though God gave us this pot to water right now and He has a plan for it. Maybe we will never see the plant spring up, but it is our job to water.
There is nothing, while in the desert, that helps like getting a little bit of water.
My co-worker surprised me one staff meeting a few years back when he has this feeling of dread radiating from him as we entered into a discussion of lent. He commented that this time of the year was the most challenging for him, and often his wife. The feeling of being in the desert seemed very real as he spoke about having questions arise, spiritual dryness, and temptations.
The last few years I have really understood that feeling. I still find the time to be generally renewing, but now see more desert than ever before.
One thing that cropped up for me while at the Catholic church was the pressure to give up something. I hated the idea that someone else was going to tell me what my relationship with God needed. The idea of sacrifice was great. I wanted to change things in my life to come closer to God. What I did not need was an arbitrary rule on how I needed to give up meat on a certain day.
The biggest problem for me was how this would play out in the office. I would not think about the days of the week (when you have an ever changing schedule it almost becomes hard to track days except Sunday) and end up bringing a meat sandwich on a Friday. Then someone would make a comment and start hinting at how I was failing. Many times it felt as though my boss would use these times to show others that I was not Catholic.
This caused me more resentment and anger towards the church than any growth with God. What I learned was that a tradition was more important than me with the group. I felt as though I was sitting with the Pharisees as they attack a rule that Jesus has broken. It was not to look beyond what was happening to the individual, but to demean. This was not the only tradition that I felt that way with. I wished that others would bring about the joy in obedience and not stress others failure to boost themselves up.
I felt the desert then as I struggled with conformity. This year I struggled with feeling futile. Right now I have a great support group and social network. I have a small group with a church that is growing fast. I have great friends that I get to hang out with outside of work. I have a great community around. What I feel the desert in is lack of growth at my church. I have been there over a year and a half now. All I have seen is families leave. We have yet to bring new ones in. This drop has played a burden but I have kept on.
Then a few situations collided and these failings came to the forefront. A crack in the dam finally broke and my insecurities rushed out. I now work to hopefully not need a dam, but in the mean time I examine the validity of these suppressed thoughts.
Through all of this a story that my pastor told me the other day really helped. It was of a grandfather who gave a child a pot of dirt. He told the little girl to water the pot of dirt every day without fail. She did for a long time with no results. Finally, she got sick of it and tried to give the pot back to the grandfather. He refused and told her to keep watering. She begrudgingly went back to water. Soon she saw a sprout.
My pastors point was that sometimes it takes a long time to see the fruit. Sometimes we want a new pot of dirt. In the end though God gave us this pot to water right now and He has a plan for it. Maybe we will never see the plant spring up, but it is our job to water.
There is nothing, while in the desert, that helps like getting a little bit of water.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Rob Bell: Drops like Stars
Last night some of the young adults in the church went on an adventure to downtown Seattle. We went to the Moore Theater, where we saw the Michigan pastor or Mars Hill speak. Before going we had not idea what to expect, a concert or maybe a workshop. In the end it was more like an artful live rendition of his book "Drops like Stars."
There were many stories that we heard through the course of the night. The night focused on the topic of suffering. In his usual, nooma video style, Rob told many modern parables/stories that helped illuminate the topic without getting too bogged down into denominational ideas and arguments. He danced the line well enough to allow each person, Christian or not, connect to the topic and ideas in their own way and level of understanding. In the end there were many stories that I want to remember and look deeper into through this blog.
After a surreal entrance and video that had me and others in our group wondering if Rob Bell was our generations Billy Graham, we dove into the subject of suffering. Rob told a story about a family who had to deal with the loss of a baby. The family gathered all of their relatives to come say their goodbyes. Around a month later another family member gave birth to a child in the same room that they had just said goodbye in. This brought up the idea of the "why" for suffering. Why did the one group have to lose their child while the same family in seemingly the same situation lose theirs? We have all asked questions like this. Why does a loving God allow this and not that? Why would God do something like this to Haiti, New Orleans, ect?
We quickly went headlong into the prodigal son story. Rob gave some great background that was great to hear again. He pointed out how no person at this time would have sold off their lands to actually give a child their inheritance early. Also how the son was basically saying that the father was dead to him in requesting the inheritance. In the end Rob focused on how the story is left hanging. The father makes a response to the older son who is not at the party when the younger one comes back. The upset son never says anything back, instead the story just hangs...
It was pointed out how this is like a movie where your "lower half" is telling you its about to end. The screen goes black and you are left going "No you can not end this like that!" The story is left hanging with no final resolution. I felt as though Rob left this hanging also, although I feel there was a purpose to that.
The purpose to me comes in that when we have final resolution we stop thinking. We get draw into the black and white answers instead of the gray area and thinking about the meaning. The other aspect is how we don't always get resolution with the why question when it comes to suffering. While there are many ways to explain why a loving God would allow suffering, or cause suffering, when we are suffering we don't really want to know that. We don't want to hear it was because of something we did in third grade, or because we need to learn and grow from it. Or maybe it was to help others get closer to the divine. So from this point we tried to leave the why question behind.
But just leaving the why question was not enough for us. At this point Rob put up on screen a very humorous college essay from a young man named Hugh Gallagher. This essay responded to a very normal "tell us about yourself" application question. Here is a small sample of that essay:
This is what happens when we suffer. We then have to completely change our expectations to be able to incorporate how a squirrel could fit into that. No longer are we able to sit in our preconceived notion and relate everything to the box, but we must then rethink and change.
This is how suffering comes to us. It does not let us sit in our preconceived notion of how our life is to go. We can't stay in the ideas of white picket fences, significant others, and safe dreams. This becomes the art of disruption. In the end it is not the things we plan on and dream of that shape our lives but the disruptions that come up. In my own life I can see how most the things that have shaped me have been the times where I have been suffering or been with others suffering.
We then got out some soap. No, not a squirrel, but actual bars of soap. Rob then told how he had several sculptors come over to his house. He gave them carving materials and bars of soap. Everyone of them went to work and sculpted some great things from faces, modern art, chains, bunnies, and words. At the end he showed a picture of the shavings that had come off of all the soap that they had molded.
The other thing suffering can do is it cuts away the clutter. Michelangelo was quoted pointing out that his famous sculpture "David" was always there in the stone and Michelangelo had simply cut away the excess. The soap sculptures had done the same. They had eliminated the excess around the great art waiting to come out.
We often sit in our little routines. "How are you? Fine. Busy. Busy with being busy." Have you ever been in a conversation where a person broke out of the normal responses? You asked how are you and they told you the truth, "Not, so good I just lost a friend to cancer." When we suffer we stop living on the surface of the sculpture. We carve straight to the true, beautiful us underneath. Thus, suffering can give us the art of elimination.
Then we took to getting to know our neighbors. Rob told a story about how he sprained his left wrist. Don't worry he pointed out how pathetic this injury was and is the laughing stock of all other injuries. Being left handed though it changed his regular life activities. It hurt to write or do other things he normally did. More so than all of that it helped him realize what a friend goes through on a regular basis with a degenerative muscle disorder. The pain that person deals with every day and moment.
Imagine two dads who are opposite ends of the political spectrum. They could fight and fight, but instead they have a deep bond because both has a child with cancer. Imagine two moms living on opposite sides of town and beliefs. Instead they have a deep bond because both have loved ones dealing with addiction. Suffering can unite us in ways that would not be possible.
At this point Rob had us take out a pencil and 3X5 card under the seats. We wrote "I know how you feel" on the cards with our non writing hand. Then rob asked us, raise your card if someone close to you has been effected by cancer. Then we exchanged our cards with someone we did not know. Looking down you read a "I know how you feel" scratched into card by someone whom you had never met that really did know how that felt. We then repeated with addiction, paying bills, ect.
Then the true point of the activity came up. Rob pointed out that Jesus knows how we feel. God brought his son down here to suffer so that God would be able to say "I know how you feel," and walk with us through it.
About this time we talked about possession. No, no demons and monsters. Instead about how owning and possessing is very different. The point was mad of how we may own a painting, or guitar, but another maybe able to really bring out the depth, music, ideas, ect. inside the thing. The person who can bring out great music out of the guitar is the one who really possess it. For example I own a bible, but those who have lived it and suffered really are the ones who possess it.
Rob showed a clip from when he was in Africa. He had been there to find out more about aids and the suffering going on there. Then after he was done interviewing a group he started to hear music and dancing in the next room. They went over and filmed a group singing joyfully. He then asked another leader what was going on and the person responded "They do this ever lunch." The person had not really grasped and understood. The singing group truly had possessed life where the other had just owned a description.
Finally, Rob ended with a short story about a little boy saying "stars" every time a rain drop hit the ground. He wondered what was going on as the boy seemed to keep chanting "Stars! Stars!" His mom explained that he thought the drops looked like stars when they hit the ground. Then he prayed that we would see drops like stars.
To me the end was almost as the movie of "no, your not going to end like that!" But I think I understood the purpose of ending like that. The night was about us getting out of why with suffering and to grow from it. We did not need a clear resolution, because to do so would put us in a box. Ultimately hoping that we see the good, the blessings, in the struggle that we see as falling or rain.
There were many stories that we heard through the course of the night. The night focused on the topic of suffering. In his usual, nooma video style, Rob told many modern parables/stories that helped illuminate the topic without getting too bogged down into denominational ideas and arguments. He danced the line well enough to allow each person, Christian or not, connect to the topic and ideas in their own way and level of understanding. In the end there were many stories that I want to remember and look deeper into through this blog.
After a surreal entrance and video that had me and others in our group wondering if Rob Bell was our generations Billy Graham, we dove into the subject of suffering. Rob told a story about a family who had to deal with the loss of a baby. The family gathered all of their relatives to come say their goodbyes. Around a month later another family member gave birth to a child in the same room that they had just said goodbye in. This brought up the idea of the "why" for suffering. Why did the one group have to lose their child while the same family in seemingly the same situation lose theirs? We have all asked questions like this. Why does a loving God allow this and not that? Why would God do something like this to Haiti, New Orleans, ect?
We quickly went headlong into the prodigal son story. Rob gave some great background that was great to hear again. He pointed out how no person at this time would have sold off their lands to actually give a child their inheritance early. Also how the son was basically saying that the father was dead to him in requesting the inheritance. In the end Rob focused on how the story is left hanging. The father makes a response to the older son who is not at the party when the younger one comes back. The upset son never says anything back, instead the story just hangs...
It was pointed out how this is like a movie where your "lower half" is telling you its about to end. The screen goes black and you are left going "No you can not end this like that!" The story is left hanging with no final resolution. I felt as though Rob left this hanging also, although I feel there was a purpose to that.
The purpose to me comes in that when we have final resolution we stop thinking. We get draw into the black and white answers instead of the gray area and thinking about the meaning. The other aspect is how we don't always get resolution with the why question when it comes to suffering. While there are many ways to explain why a loving God would allow suffering, or cause suffering, when we are suffering we don't really want to know that. We don't want to hear it was because of something we did in third grade, or because we need to learn and grow from it. Or maybe it was to help others get closer to the divine. So from this point we tried to leave the why question behind.
But just leaving the why question was not enough for us. At this point Rob put up on screen a very humorous college essay from a young man named Hugh Gallagher. This essay responded to a very normal "tell us about yourself" application question. Here is a small sample of that essay:
"I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge." (Hugh Gallagher: http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/essay.htm)
We have our boxes. How stories are supposed to end with morals and resolution. Then we say that there is out of the box thinking. Rob points out that our focal point in this is still in relation to the box. The box is still our reference point, in or out. This essay points seems to say "there is a box?"
This is what happens when we suffer. We then have to completely change our expectations to be able to incorporate how a squirrel could fit into that. No longer are we able to sit in our preconceived notion and relate everything to the box, but we must then rethink and change.
This is how suffering comes to us. It does not let us sit in our preconceived notion of how our life is to go. We can't stay in the ideas of white picket fences, significant others, and safe dreams. This becomes the art of disruption. In the end it is not the things we plan on and dream of that shape our lives but the disruptions that come up. In my own life I can see how most the things that have shaped me have been the times where I have been suffering or been with others suffering.
We then got out some soap. No, not a squirrel, but actual bars of soap. Rob then told how he had several sculptors come over to his house. He gave them carving materials and bars of soap. Everyone of them went to work and sculpted some great things from faces, modern art, chains, bunnies, and words. At the end he showed a picture of the shavings that had come off of all the soap that they had molded.
The other thing suffering can do is it cuts away the clutter. Michelangelo was quoted pointing out that his famous sculpture "David" was always there in the stone and Michelangelo had simply cut away the excess. The soap sculptures had done the same. They had eliminated the excess around the great art waiting to come out.
We often sit in our little routines. "How are you? Fine. Busy. Busy with being busy." Have you ever been in a conversation where a person broke out of the normal responses? You asked how are you and they told you the truth, "Not, so good I just lost a friend to cancer." When we suffer we stop living on the surface of the sculpture. We carve straight to the true, beautiful us underneath. Thus, suffering can give us the art of elimination.
Then we took to getting to know our neighbors. Rob told a story about how he sprained his left wrist. Don't worry he pointed out how pathetic this injury was and is the laughing stock of all other injuries. Being left handed though it changed his regular life activities. It hurt to write or do other things he normally did. More so than all of that it helped him realize what a friend goes through on a regular basis with a degenerative muscle disorder. The pain that person deals with every day and moment.
Imagine two dads who are opposite ends of the political spectrum. They could fight and fight, but instead they have a deep bond because both has a child with cancer. Imagine two moms living on opposite sides of town and beliefs. Instead they have a deep bond because both have loved ones dealing with addiction. Suffering can unite us in ways that would not be possible.
At this point Rob had us take out a pencil and 3X5 card under the seats. We wrote "I know how you feel" on the cards with our non writing hand. Then rob asked us, raise your card if someone close to you has been effected by cancer. Then we exchanged our cards with someone we did not know. Looking down you read a "I know how you feel" scratched into card by someone whom you had never met that really did know how that felt. We then repeated with addiction, paying bills, ect.
Then the true point of the activity came up. Rob pointed out that Jesus knows how we feel. God brought his son down here to suffer so that God would be able to say "I know how you feel," and walk with us through it.
About this time we talked about possession. No, no demons and monsters. Instead about how owning and possessing is very different. The point was mad of how we may own a painting, or guitar, but another maybe able to really bring out the depth, music, ideas, ect. inside the thing. The person who can bring out great music out of the guitar is the one who really possess it. For example I own a bible, but those who have lived it and suffered really are the ones who possess it.
Rob showed a clip from when he was in Africa. He had been there to find out more about aids and the suffering going on there. Then after he was done interviewing a group he started to hear music and dancing in the next room. They went over and filmed a group singing joyfully. He then asked another leader what was going on and the person responded "They do this ever lunch." The person had not really grasped and understood. The singing group truly had possessed life where the other had just owned a description.
Finally, Rob ended with a short story about a little boy saying "stars" every time a rain drop hit the ground. He wondered what was going on as the boy seemed to keep chanting "Stars! Stars!" His mom explained that he thought the drops looked like stars when they hit the ground. Then he prayed that we would see drops like stars.
To me the end was almost as the movie of "no, your not going to end like that!" But I think I understood the purpose of ending like that. The night was about us getting out of why with suffering and to grow from it. We did not need a clear resolution, because to do so would put us in a box. Ultimately hoping that we see the good, the blessings, in the struggle that we see as falling or rain.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Church Budgets
This is the time of year for the church I work at to finalize budgets and announce them to the rest of the church. We have been in the process with the budget since November and December, but the finance committee has finally presented their final to the congregation.
No matter how things go when a budget comes out someone is going to be upset. In our church, the most upset group that I know of is the missions group. They have worked for years to get a line item for missions into the church budget. Last year when the economy tanked, finance and church council worked to cut a lot, including the missions budget. In the end the church approved a $4,000 deficit to be able to have a budget for missions. As they say in Monty Python, there was much rejoicing.
This year there is a new struggle with this. At a meeting recently, one member discussed their displeasure at the missions budget coming out of the Memorials and Endowments. The concern is that this money is already given and the church itself is not taking an active roll in missions by not funding it out of the church budget.
I understand this concern as what a church chooses to fund shows where they put their priorities. Honestly, if a church wanted to hire me but had a lack luster budget (or none at all) for youth ministry I would walk away instantly as they are not truly invested. I find myself a little torn on the issue here.
The church needs to be funding mission. This shows their investment and dedication to what God has called us to. What is a church with out mission?
The flip side of this is what has me concerned though. The missions group might become too used to having a budget. The Catholic church describes stewardship as "Time, Talent, and Treasure." What having this budget could lead to (and I have started to see warning signs) is a group that does not consider the time and talent aspect. In addition they could become resigned to accept the budget as all the treasure necessary. Even worse a set line for missions could allow those within the group to feel as though they have given already.
The danger ends up in becoming lukewarm, satisfied, resigned, or lackadaisical. This could mean no more fund raising and raising awareness. No more seeking others for the need in the community. No more going the extra mile because there is a passion or need. No more donating, serving, or stretching ourselves. No more relying upon God for our needs and our support of others.
We have the tendency in the USA to pat ourselves on the back for giving money here or there. In my opinion the real needs is for us put faces to need and truly engage in community.
I hope and pray that our church does not fall into these traps. I pray that they can walk the tight rope between not allocating funds and resigning to be satisfied with just donating others money.
No matter how things go when a budget comes out someone is going to be upset. In our church, the most upset group that I know of is the missions group. They have worked for years to get a line item for missions into the church budget. Last year when the economy tanked, finance and church council worked to cut a lot, including the missions budget. In the end the church approved a $4,000 deficit to be able to have a budget for missions. As they say in Monty Python, there was much rejoicing.
This year there is a new struggle with this. At a meeting recently, one member discussed their displeasure at the missions budget coming out of the Memorials and Endowments. The concern is that this money is already given and the church itself is not taking an active roll in missions by not funding it out of the church budget.
I understand this concern as what a church chooses to fund shows where they put their priorities. Honestly, if a church wanted to hire me but had a lack luster budget (or none at all) for youth ministry I would walk away instantly as they are not truly invested. I find myself a little torn on the issue here.
The church needs to be funding mission. This shows their investment and dedication to what God has called us to. What is a church with out mission?
The flip side of this is what has me concerned though. The missions group might become too used to having a budget. The Catholic church describes stewardship as "Time, Talent, and Treasure." What having this budget could lead to (and I have started to see warning signs) is a group that does not consider the time and talent aspect. In addition they could become resigned to accept the budget as all the treasure necessary. Even worse a set line for missions could allow those within the group to feel as though they have given already.
The danger ends up in becoming lukewarm, satisfied, resigned, or lackadaisical. This could mean no more fund raising and raising awareness. No more seeking others for the need in the community. No more going the extra mile because there is a passion or need. No more donating, serving, or stretching ourselves. No more relying upon God for our needs and our support of others.
We have the tendency in the USA to pat ourselves on the back for giving money here or there. In my opinion the real needs is for us put faces to need and truly engage in community.
I hope and pray that our church does not fall into these traps. I pray that they can walk the tight rope between not allocating funds and resigning to be satisfied with just donating others money.
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