A little on my background on the situation. When at college we discussed how to reach out to youth and the best way to help students become Completely Committed Christians (CCC). The ideas stressed there were relational and incarnational ministry. This means that we need to develop relationships with those that we are ministering to and represent Christ in their life. Just as Christ came down into our world to help us connect with the Father so should we come into student's lives to help them connect with Jesus. We discussed some ideas, thoughts, and ways to make this possible. The one Gerali, one professor, would talk about was having the students come and do simple things like go grocery shopping with you. Gerali is amazing about doing these things and personally I have never felt comfortable in going that far. I am a little afraid to blur the lines that far and afraid parents and families will not take it that way, but I understand why this would be effective as it is the teachable moments that we get in regular life that makes the most difference with students.
The second area that I have really learned about this "struggle" is working in the church. I have had four positions: Baptist, UMC, young life and Catholic. I will dig into all of these, but it is the Catholic experience that provides the emphasis on program that contrasts the University experience I had. In the Catholic church I was not allowed to talk, discuss, or meet students outside of the church. It was obvious that this would have helped a lot in many cases, but we focused on activities and experiences. We had youth group, retreats, service projects, prayer, small groups, and mission trips. All of these were planned in advance and there had to be permission slips for everything we did (even a student coming after school to visit me). Everything had to be structured and organized. If something was missed in the organizational process then there was consequences from my supervisor. The students never got to talk to me outside of one of these rushed and planned times.
The Baptist and Young Life experience provide the contrast to the Catholic experience. I never had to get a permission to hang out with any students. In the baptist church I was told to have the freshman boys stay overnight at the church with just me. There was no structure to the time just "hang out". We played Halo and had a good time. I was blessed to have nothing happen (injuries) as we ran around the church late at night in the dark. Then in young life we are encouraged to go hang out with the kids to build a bond. There is no training, suggestions, or boundaries placed upon this. The whole focus is to develop the relationship with no regard to equipping or providing some support to those as they reach out. The dangers that these ways lay out to potential injuries, molesters, accusations, or lawsuits for those involved is never even considered.
I have experience in both of these settings, over programmed, and very (possibly overly) relational. Both ways of looking at things can create serious issues. If a group is overly structured then they never get to see the personal side of Christ as we are incarnational. If we are overly relational with no boundaries then we can lead into lack of healthy relationships, lead to breaking down youth and making it easy for predators, or burning ourselves out. Essentially with out the authority and rapport in our relationships with youth and others then we lose out on demonstrating all aspects of God.
Last night I was at youth group. Most of the youth were away on a retreat talking about healthy dating relationships. Two students showed up at youth group and we (four leaders) spent most the time just chatting as a small group. We laughed about predictions of future airport security. We lamented over the Seattle schools. In the end we seemed to stumble upon what I believe is the key to this tension that I am exploring now.
Bruce, a school teacher in Seattle, commented on how segregated many of the school still are. One school has all the honor kids (mostly white) at one lunch and the other classes at other lunches (black). This has lead to segregating the schools and creating clicks. As frustrated as this seems it is very natural for people. Psychologically we are drawn to those who are like us. Nationality/race is a visible one that draws us. Finding a common factor beyond this can often be difficult. As we engage with any person we find that there are always similarities or commonalities that we can share and explore. Some times these are difficult while other times these are easy to find. When students split into cliques it is often because of an easy way to relate to one another; i.e. Jocks = sports. Our students commented on how camp helps them make friends. The reason is simple- they know they have the same faith and are having a shared experience.
How does this play into the program vs relational ministry? Programs provide the shared experience to help develop relationships and a platform to grow together and develop a relationship. A church that denies or rejects programs is rejecting providing an easy shared experience for new members, or current members to bond and develop a relationship. Without programs and spending time together we may never find that commonality to develop a relationship. Many Churches are running programs and deny that they are in fact programs. This is an attempt to place themselves above other churches or bodies of believers.
Programs are not the solution, but the starting point. They need to be built from as a shared experience to unite strangers to the commonality we have in Jesus. If done right then they can launch us into relationship and help people come to know Christ. If seen as the solution and the end (like just having someone sign up and become another number) then the can cause faith to become stagnant and dead. The problem becomes that we see it as a v.s. and not as a stepping stone to helping people know Christ.
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